Chihiro Fujisaki is (not) an idiot and Alter Ego is but who cares?
by Fueled By Nightmares
Summary: Cross-posted on AO3, rated as such because swearing only. Chihiro is woken up early, has an existential crisis or three, goes "Eh, who cares", then goes to play Dead Rising 2, also Chihiro's AI is here and they went out for five hours to buy a not-Christmas present. Contains spoilers for DR1, and bear with me this is actually a serious story. Also wtf is the "Family" Genre.


**Two semi-important things of note:**

**One, Alter Ego has a physical presence here as a robot. It was an idea I've had for over a year, like right after I first got into Danganronpa, the main use of such an idea is a bad(?) story I'm writing for a friend over private message elsewhere, I would turn that into a proper story but it relies on storytelling conventions that it wouldn't work, such as being able to amend anything or cut in at any moment to explain something, not to mention Ruruka is a main focus but I've never personally seen Danganronpa 3 and I don't want to subject you to my butchering of a character I've read about a thousand times on the wikia.**

**Two, the "Michi" mentioned is Mondo's Hit List Target from Ultra Despair Girls, Takemichi Yukimaru. Probably not important at all, but whatever.**

* * *

"Wake up!"

...

"Wake up! Wake up... Bitch? Sure, Bitch!"

Chihiro rolled over, dragging himself further into an attempted slumber, hoping that they'd just... go away.

"Come onnnnnnnn. Wake up!"

This was the third time they came out before six trying to wake him up. Today. He just wanted to sleep. Ten more minutes. Or five. Or something. The warmth of a blanket, the lack of responsibilities or cares, he just wanted to enjoy them. Enjoy them while he could. Please.

"I didn't go outside for five hours to get you this thing for you to ignore me!"

W-What!?

"There we go! Good morning!"

Chihiro couldn't ignore something like that. Call him gullible, call him concerned. He shifted around, facing up and pushing the covers away, met with the grinning face of... Himself. Sorta.

Chihiro's Alter Ego tossed him a... Wrapped gift. Wha...

"W-What? Why did you... W-Wait..." Nobody in town really celebrated... THAT holiday... Just wasn't in their culture, but it WAS big in some parts of the world, and... Oh...

"Well, go on! Open it! I spent our allowance on that thing..." ...What? "I didn't know about this until like last night. I'm gonna go plug in before I collapse! Have fun with that!"

Letting an AI figure everything out themself was proven to be troublesome... and bad... and a pain... Chihiro never wanted to change anything about them, but it was like dealing with himself, but without anything he's learned past age five.

As if the person he saw in the mirror wasn't already a pain to deal with, there was an ignorant (Albeit still somehow better than he was) version of him, running around spending their money on Christmas presents.

Well... he would have to explain that to Alter Ego... now, probably. They'd go around trying to wake up dad, or phoning Mondo or Michi for half an hour to get them to come over at... 5:48. Chihiro just wanted sleep, dang it! Yes he woke up even earlier sometimes! Still!

He had half a mind to dismantle them, but then he'd feel awful and cry. Why did he have to create an AI, and more importantly give it a body? They were as precious as anything else, maybe even moreso... And even then they weren't perfect. Chihiro didn't want to change anything about them, but he knew he could.

It would be so easy. Just poke around for a few hours (Maybe longer if/when the inevitable problem comes up with programming), and reprogram something and viola, a different Alter Ego, not as if the robot hadn't already developed a few selves on its' own.

In some world, maybe it'd be so easy to change such about himself. But he couldn't be thinking about that, any of that, off-track, worrying, stupid... Things. None of that, he had a robot to worry about.

They said they needed to charge, being out and about since yesterday most likely, good... That gave him a few minutes to get their attention and explain.

...Now, where the heck was he doing that?

Probably not dads' room, definitely not in his own room... kitchen, maybe?

Chihiro still wasn't dressed, but it's not as if indecency was something he ever had to worry about, he wasn't an animal. Well, TECHNICALLY he was... point is he went to sleep with some sort of clothes on. Bed clothes. Pajamas. PJs.

Thinking of more names for clothes worn to bed was not looking for Alter Ego, stop it! Bed clothes was a subject for another time. Not this time, another time. Another time!

The ultimate programmer took a few paces out of his room, making a turn and walking to the kitchen, trying to hammer into himself he had to look for a robot and not think about PJs or anything more concerning or morbid. Walking closer to the front door, may as well start there and go back, same amount of time either way, probably.

Upon further investigation, or making a few more paces after turning, there was no Alter Ego in immediate sight. Still... MAYBE they were out here. Then again, maybe not... Of course, there was either there or not there, no in between. Urgh, thinking. Thinking wasn't for this time of day, the morning was for sleeping alone first, and goofing off together second.

Third, fourth, fifth, and sixth were all food.

Sure, it wasn't exactly a productive use of time, but sometimes... Relaxing was fine, right? There was a time for enjoyment, and sometimes putting passion into something wasn't always enjoyable, sometimes... Just... Nothing was best. Of course, as enticing as slacking off was, there were always responsibilities looming over anybody's heads, exactly why he wanted to sleep in the morning.

...Argh, Chihiro! Pull it together, the faster this gets done, the faster you can rest, for all of five minutes before you'd normally wake up, anyway, so stop thinking about all of this dumb... D-dumb... stuff!

Chihiro shook his head, lightly slapping himself twice afterwards, he needed his head in the game. He couldn't view all of the kitchen from where he was standing, so MAYBE Alter Ego could still be here.

The "ultimate" programmer turned around and took a few more paces... And there they were, lying on the ground.

"Oh, hiya. You already read it head to toe? Front to back? Stomach to somebody else's dog?" As usual, they were being funny. As time went on, they grew more and more used to the idea of cracking jokes. Chihiro had a few theories, the current winner was that they wanted to get people to smile, but being the AI and not the programmer, they couldn't be useful in the tech department. If that were true, it both brought some envy and confusion, as well as lots of relief that Alter Ego was a successful program.

...Enough of that, there were questions to ask! Different, somewhat more relevant to this exact situation questions to ask. "N-No, I came to talk to you about it."

"Oh, well don't worry... Didn't cost too much, and you definitely earned it." The inspiration for the gift must have been Christmas, that's all that made sense, Alter Ego was likely browsing the web for more knowledge and stumbled upon the holiday, since, again, nobody celebrated it around here. The odd awakening, similar to one Michi would give on a REALLY happy day (which was once or twice ever)... Alter Ego was a sort of blend of everyone they were around, so less formal language was to be expected when such a group included the two highest ranking Crazy Diamonds. Still, at times he'd switch to something else. Really, they were a master of speaking as the situation called for. Almost like a robot, with it written how to act in certain situations.

"No, I mean... You got it for that one holiday, right?" Chihiro's mind was still racing to answer his own questions, but there was always the chance he was wrong, and he had to make sure. "We... W-We don't really celebrate that around here."

"I know that, I asked dad about it when I found out." Now THAT'S a surprise... It shows their intelligence, certainly, but it does bring up further questions as to the motive, as well as what triggered asking to begin with rather than many other options... "Still, I thought you might enjoy the gift anyway."

"Well, th-thank you... But... Why?" His Alter Ego learned to be kind, or m-maybe he programmed it that way, he didn't know, so many possibilities... All of them just making him ask more questions.

"I just thought you could use some more cheer in your life, is that wrong?" ... "Come on, you aren't even phased to being called a bitch."

"What does THAT have to do with it? I-I just know you're joking..." Chihiro closed his eyes briefly, trying to stave off the thought that they weren't, fascinating as it would be...

"Well... I dunno how to put it, exactly..." Alter Ego leaned up as Chihiro sat down, the master and his creation now face to face on the floor. It was still a bit weird, another him. Another, different but familiar him.

Somebody with less worries, less problems, less experience and less knowledge, less of what made him himself. But at the same time, exactly all of what made him important to anyone.

It was perplexing, distressing, and above all, absolutely captivating. Chihiro couldn't help but want to see all sorts of things unfold, what had he made? What PARTS had he made, what had they learned by themself, what...

What did this say about him?

"So, I'm just gonna say it, if that's fine with you. Good? Good..." the confused programmer looked back over to Alter Ego, trying to hold his focus again. "In simple terms, I think you're dealing with things the wrong way. Of course, I'm just your robot and not an actual person, so what do I know about people!"

"N-No! Y-You're... you're...!" Chihiro knew that was wrong, r-right? It... It... j-just didn't seem right, okay?

"Yes, I'm what?" Expectant eyes and mischievous smile, the plain old robot stared back at the stuttering speaker.

"Wrong! Y-You're... you're wrong!" Chihiro didn't wake up this morning expecting such dismay, but he should've. He SHOULD'VE, but he wasn't. He... H-he never was. "You... I-I..."

"If things were okay with you, I think you wouldn't be having so much trouble answer. Most healthy people, from what I can tell, tend to deal with their issues by communicating them, and this... This is the exact op-"

"-opposite of communicating." Chihiro already knew what his Alter Ego would say to him, which felt like it happened often but never. Grah, that didn't make sense. It didn't make sense, like how nothing was making sense. "I-I'm not b-bad at it, I'm... I-I'm just tired today!"

"When you're tired, you can't focus on keeping it all in. I don't normally see you doing that to your hair." Chihiro pulled his hands away from his head, realizing he'd been scratching away.

"I-I'm... I-!" He... he knew what he wanted to say, he just... it...

Alter Ego remained leaned against the wall, waiting for their due reply, and watching Chihiro bury his face in his hands. Chihiro didn't know what to say, or what to even think. He was stuck with questioned pelted at him, or even bombarding himself with his own questions. He couldn't answer one until three more had appeared.

He didn't have enough answers. He didn't have any answers. Anything he could give out would be met with "But is that right?", because... it... it...

Chihiro couldn't make sense of it, or himself. He just couldn't put it together. He peeked back up, looking at the robot who could, who DID. They understood it... they... they...

"So... are you ready to try again or should I let you let it out a bit more?" Chihiro raised his head a bit more, the inability to understand stuffing his brain joined by wondering what they meant. "Okay, give it a minute, then. Cry, punch me, just... whatever it takes to fill some hole in your relative chest area."

Cry? Punch him? N-No! He... he... he was better than that. He wasn't... w-wasn't weak, he wasn't g-going to do that to anyone. He wasn't...

"When's the last time you cried?"

That one question overtook most of Chihiro's focus. What... what did that mean? Why?

"Go on," One questionable action after another, he couldn't get a good read on his machine anymore... was that good, was that bad? "I just want to know."

"N-Not... not f-for a long time, I-I don't think..." Nobody needed to hear his whining, it wasn't... if he could be c-crying he could b-be doing something else. "W-Why?"

Alter Ego hand-waved the question... literally waving their hand and continuing on. "Well, how about now? Are you crying?"

Chihiro looked back down at his hands, small and weak... and moist. He raised them back up to his face, and it sunk in what he'd let slip.

He let it out. He let it all out. He was crying over every little thing he should be able to deal with or figure out, but he bit off more than he could chew. Trying to do anything was too much for him. Even such... such a simple thing like not frickin' crying was hard for him.

He looked back to Alter Ego, their expression now speaking little, as if he could even know what they were thinking. As if he could tell anything about what he made.

"Why are you crying?" The AI spoke out, despite now looking away from their maker "Are you upset, and distressed? Is it anger, you think? Sadness?"

"...I-I... I think... d-distressed."

"Alright, distressed. Suffering anxiety, sorrow, or pain, based on the book definition, that's always a treat!" Alter Ego remained faced away, but their gaze went back to Chihiro's. "So... what are you distressed about?"

"...I-I don't know... E-Everything!" Chihiro sputtered out a few more words, failing to recompose himself.

Alter Ego properly turned back towards their lookalike, still giving off expressions he couldn't read. "Just focus on one thing, anything you can put into words, and that you think your stupid robot can understand!"

"F-For starters... c-can you s-s..." Chihiro stopped himself, but Alter Ego beckoned for him to finish. He... he shouldn't say that. He... "C-Can you stop it? P-Please, don't..."

"No." Alter Ego stared right through Chihiro, holding their hand up as he tried to speak again, before finally letting him continue.

"I-I mean, the jokes..." It made sense that they thought he was talking about something else... He could be wrong, though... "P-Please, don't s-say that about y-yourself."

"...Alright, then. Apologies." Alter Ego fiddled with their own hands. A learned behavior, probably, they didn't do that at first. After a moment, they stopped, then continued speaking with confidence. "Now, continue!"

Chihiro racked his brain again. What was upsetting him?

...It... Didn't seem like anything. What was he worried about? Nothing, nothing! He was making a bit deal out of nothing, just like him to cry over everything.

"So? Was me having a bit of fun really the whole problem?" Alter Ego went back to his mischievous "smile", albeit a bit more subdued. "Or were there other things that you just can't say?"

Chihiro fished around in his head, pressing his hands to his face. He was crying. His eyes were still wet, he wasn't crazy. There WAS something wrong. Was... He could remember five minutes ago, couldn't he?

"W-Well..." Chihiro faltered once again, why was this so hard? W-Why? "I-I... Th-there... I don't think... I can't think of anything, s-sorry-!"

"Don't apologize, just get on with it!" Chihiro's robot rolled their head, stopping tilted away from their creator with a sly look on their face. "Come on, if you were crying because of my jokes, then just talk about that. Talk about anything! Talk about how much my gift sucked or how Mondo's hair looks tasty or how dad's twice your height and you hate it!"

"B-But... None of th-those things are true!" God, couldn't this conversation just end? They had their fun, and Chihiro wasn't ready for this. He couldn't make any sense of this, any sense of himself, any sense of what they wanted from him. They said he was dealing with things wrong, then throwing a bunch of questions and stuff his way to... to deal with?

Chihiro straightened his back against the wall, and tried to get his facts right. Alter Ego said they were dealing with things the wrong way, and then lead him off track with a joke at their own expense, until he was crying.

"D-Didn't... didn't you say something about me not being able to focus?" He had to make sure, if he was right... he... he had it figured out. Maybe.

"Yes, I think I did, considering that was basically the whole point of me dragging you out here before like... six or whatever." That confirmed it, then. Chihiro could finally do something right today and figure out what his own robot was actually thinking. "By the way, ALSO stop conforming to social norms and get your proper amount of rest. Stop staying up until the next day working!"

"O-Okay..." Chihiro brushed that statement aside, he was fine on his current schedule, and life was too busy for him to spend it all in bed. They could argue about that another day, but now... he could figure it out. He could! He had everything, it was right there in front of him. Alter Ego had been screwing with him all day, dragging him in circles, making him doubt himself, breaking him down... making him let it out. Was... was that their plan? Get him to cry? Why?

Think, Chihiro, think! You created an AI, survive on five hours sleep, and have made it to late teens without succumbing to coffee, you can find a few simple answers!

"You know what I think?" The programmer stuck on his own system error looked up at their successful product. "You were freaking out because nothing made sense."

"Well, m-maybe..." That... That made sense, sure, but that didn't help him with the problem he was TRYING to address at the moment. "But, I think I understand now, m-most of it, anyway."

"Alright, why did nothing make sense? Was it confusing? Conflicting? Misleading? Did it taste like ass?"

...

That...

With (some) confidence, Chihiro finally uttered out a proper answer.

"Conflicting. It... It was all conflicting. I'm sitting here crying when I shouldn't be and I think I can read you like a book but I can't but I can and-!"

He stopped himself, wondering if that was even right. If not, screw him then, guess he was just an idiot!

Chihiro let out a chuckle, despite the subject matter... and the fact he was getting on Alter Ego's metal casing for that earlier.

"...A-And... stuff like that. I just... I'm not making any sense... I-I'm sorry..." He ended up back in somber feeling, and back to tripping over his words. Seconds ago, he'd regained confidence, but like every other thought or feeling today, it slipped through the cracks as soon as it fell from above... or wherever the heck it came from.

"Yeah, people don't make any sense, that's all I've learned. Trying to boil it down to a science didn't work, as you can clearly tell by how dumb-" Alter Ego paused, raising their hand again "-I've acted sometimes. Nothing to apologize for, unless you want to feel bad and cry, which is totally okay, so do it! If you want! If not, don't, or maybe do, up to you!"

Making sense, not making sense, Chihiro couldn't make up his mind on it. He seemed to understand this perfectly fine, so he'd probably forget how to stand or walk later, something dumb like that, since everything was dumb. Well, whatever, he understood it! It! The thing!

"Y-Yeah... It's fine. It's okay to... feel stuff." Once again, he'd lost it, was... Was it really okay to cry? N-No, it couldn't be, he needed to be strong. Strong... Strong like feeling empty and lost and depressed. "It's a-also okay to be confused, I-I guess... S-Since nothing seems to stic-."

"I dunno, this thing sticks PRETTY well if you ask me, an... An object that exists." Alter Ego went back to some expression he couldn't make out... No, that's probably smug, what was he on about, missing one expression out of like five?

Also there was now a Sticky Hand on his knee. They still made these?

"I was bored, so I bought one. Only reason I broke into your money, really, your present only cost all of my stash. And yes, I came back and stole like 2 credits or whatever the hell you call money and THEN went out again!" So they still made these, and one was bought with his money, perfect waste of... Yen dollar peso whathaveyous.

Chihiro brushed the Sticky Hand away, preparing to be told of how he ruined all the fun. When no response came, he made his own. "Weren't we talking about something? L-Like... Existential crisis's?"

Alter Ego held their pause for a few more moments, their reply finally coming as the topic moved away from Sticky Hands. Chihiro held in cursing the sky at the name. "Ah, yes. Those. You feel better? Worse? The same?"

"...Better." It... It was true. He felt a bit better. Why? He had no idea, and he'd probably feel worse again later, worse and confused and all of that, but... He felt fine now. Fine enough to stand without forgetting how, good, because Alter Ego was also standing and it would be weird to stay on the ground.

"So... What did we learn today?"

"...A-Absolutely nothing, s-sort of. A-And... And that's fine, I g-guess. I-It doesn't always have to make sense, it never will... O-Or... N-No... Wait..."

"No. We learned that you clearly didn't open up my gift since it has all the Mission Locations for Dead Rising 2." WHAT "Your attention is grabbed! Now come on, mornings are for relaxing, wouldn't ya say! Time to get that tiger!"

Alter Ego grabbed the puzzled (NOT TO MENTION EXTREMELY EXCITED) Chihiro with his Sticky Hand, and they walked along as Chihiro tried to get it off.

The Ultimate Programmer had trouble with a lot of things, like shaking off this Sticky Hand, but there was only one problem on his mind, one he'd probably push away in a few seconds, like every other Alter Ego related issue today.

If his AI couldn't reduce people down to a science, how did they function? Was that the intended result?

Oh, whatever. Worrying about his own morality in making a person and thinking about them like this was more than enough thinking for one day.


End file.
